I'm slowly cutting out unessential social media. I only check the news twice a day. I've listened to "this is water" by David Foster Wallace. I've read the Cracked article on Six Harsh Truths. I do exercise/yoga and slowly am integrating ten minutes of mindfulness into my moring. I'm still crabby.
But there are some things that are resistant to cynicism, like having meaningful friendships and relationships. Or working diligently to achieve some big dream of yours. Or getting out of the corporate world and walking the entrepreneur path.
For as much as bullshit exists in the world, there are also genuine things to pay attention to and care about.
If you feel you are cynical all the time, then that means you haven't found something that you can genuinely devote your energy into.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8CrOL-ydFMI
http://bulletin-archive.kenyon.edu/x4280.html
It's a positive feedback loop. I feel negative I think negative thoughts, that makes me more negative. So you have to break that loop. I feel negative, I think a negative thought, then nope not listening to that. What's something positive I can think about? That coffee I had this morning was pretty good. Oh that's right tonight I get to finish the next episode of that show I like.
Eventually your outlook gets more positive.
When older seniors were asked the secret to a happy life, they said you choose to be happy.
I feel that relates to your currated thoughts model. I can see that in myself and many who I've meet. Situations where life kicked them in the teeth and they have all the justifications to be angry and bitter, yet they are not. Enjoy the small things, don't give much heed to the negatives. The most important step one can take is the next one. Enjoy the journey.
A concrete example. It could start with a provoked action, like taunting leading to frustration, leading to an outburst where milk got spilled and the spiller blaming the taunter. "You made me spill my milk!" Nearly every time, I would attempt to explain that the spiller chose to react the way they did, and while it is not ok that they were taunted, it was their choice to throw a fit and it was their fault the milk was spilled or their fault they were angry. They were not manually forced to spill their milk. Their choices led to that. And on the flip side, the other child would be scolded separately for being mean.
I tried to teach them that they are responsible for how they feel and how they act. The world can't "make" them feel or act, they choose it. Time will tell if that lesson was helpful.
Constant black and white thinking and cognitive distortions [0] all will increase your anxiety. Realize these emotions' utility and purpose. These feelings are meant to provoke action or change by you to improve your life. Constant negativity about things you have no control over cannot and will not ever help you.
It's good to practice questioning yourself when you're being crabby. Nothing in the world is 100% negative. The world is a lot more gray then black or white.
Try to challenge your assumptions about the world a bit more. Accept that maybe you don't know everything, and you almost never have the whole story, and use that to feel better.
For example, you may think that you're being ripped off constantly. You can challenge that with "at least it's keeping people working, and providing for their families". Maybe what you consider being "ripped off" isn't actually you being ripped off, maybe it's expensive to make these books. Don't think of it as 100% of the cost is a rip off. Maybe be like, well at least the books are worth 75% of what I paid for them.
In essence, if you cannot fix an issue yourself, you have to learn how to not care so much by either lessening the negativity of an event by challenging your emotions, either by turning negatives into a positive, or letting it just not affect you because it's not worth it.
[0]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_distortion
Make an effort to discard the anger, bitterness, and confusion that results from "things you cannot change" and you'll probably find it easier to focus on the things you can change.
Whether it's interesting or not doesn't (shouldn't) really factor into improving one's long-term mental health.
If you can't change something, why worry about it? If you can change something, either do so or don't; why worry about it?
Take a moment to mentally step away from your cynical thought seeds. Observe them from an omniscient, non-judgemental point-of-view, as best as you can.
Like a farmer looking over his land, he knows nothing on his farm can affect him unless he allows it to affect him. As the observer, you gets to decide what thoughts to water and grow. The flip side is equally true too -- deprive negative thoughts of attention and resources and they'll pass.
I still am pretty cynical in the sense that I have very low expectations. I strongly believe in entropy and that everything will fail you :). But I use that to temper my disappointment when things/people fail me rather than affecting my general world view: I keep my focus on my stuff and just brush off (or try really hard to) the external effects.
Just my $0.02 - HTH
Driving rage, yep, I lived there for a long time. It's one of the specific experiences I keep referring back to when I need to re-evaluate my state of mind.
People that cut you off just have no awareness of the world around them, and whilst it's dangerous and shouldn't happen (despite the fact it happens so frequently), it shouldn't affect your emotional state. It shouldn't make you angry and aggressive for any length of time because your emotional state won't change the situation or the other person, it just ruins part of your day - don't let it.
The other side of the driving rage coin is that I've made mistakes whilst driving, and in those (very rare) situations I'm glad someone else was able to react quickly enough that it didn't turn into something worse.
There's also the familiar driving situation when someone else rages at you for, seemingly, no reason. I've learnt to actually enjoy that because I figure that they're having a worse time than me. Poor angry person letting their emotions dictate their life. Pity is healthier than anger.
Expectations are the cause of many an argument. Didn't bring home flowers on Valentine's Day and cop it from both barrels from the missus? Mis-aligned expectations. Assume the worst and anything better is a win :)
The ability to self-analyse is key, I think. Why do I feel this way? What caused it? How can I change it next time? Treat the cause, not the symptoms.
It all takes effort though, gotta make it a habit.
The realization came when I realized I am helpless and cannot change anything. What I can really do is learn to cope with the madness. This realization helped me a lot to lead a stress free life. I stopped convincing people or caring about them if they are difficult. In life the first priority is myself and then everybody else. Taking care of oneself really breaks your stress away.
Moving from reactionary to anticipatory made me a much calmer person (in practice, it's hard to fulfill all the time).
I'm 23 years old and in the same boat. Was always a cheerful person, but I've found myself becoming ruder, more curt, and always on edge as if everyone is out to argue/fight. I'm finding it tough working in an office environment where lots of things are annoying me and making it hard for me to not snap at people.
Good luck to you and hope we can figure something out.
In addition to This is Water, I really recommend How to Win Friends and Influence People, and Slaughterhouse Five.
Cheers :)
That and sometimes happiness is a habit, find small things that make you happy instead of small things that make you angry. Or just learn to revel in the chaos like a madman...
People misconstrue the design goals of systems all the time and it causes unending frustration.
Understanding the real design goals behind most things usually leads to unending sadness.
I believe the OP knows what's up.
The material universe has never been, is not and will never be perfect. Let go!
Moreover, every atom in the universe is ever changing. When you look at your reflection in the mirror, by the time light bounces off your face, reflects back into your retinas and registers in your brain, your body has already changed! So what is it that you are calling "me"?
The actual process of doing something has to be enjoyable. At best the final result can be icing on the cake - but you have to love the cake first.
Hope you find peace and enjoy life OP - its a boon!
This reminds me of a post I saw on Facebook: "I used to think I was in a bad mood, but it has been a couple of years now, so I guess this is just who I am now."
Anyway, I think an argument that defuses cynicism is this: (1) Cynicism is generally believing that everyone is bad and it doesn't even bother them. (2) But it bothers you. (3) So that's one person in the world who's not as bad as you bemoan. And it would be unreasonable to think that you are the only person like that.
That's an intellectual answer but not an emotional one, which is equally important, because cynicism I believe is an emotional adjustment. People keep disappointing you. That hurts. If you lower your expectations, then they won't disappoint you so much. Voila! Intermittent sharp pains are all replaced by a chronic, everpresent, dull one. Many people seem to prefer it this way. But obviously something inside you has died.
A fuller treatment requires me to talk about religion, which is frowned upon here. Suffice it to say that if you believe in the Fall then you see the current state of affairs just like someone who doesn't believe in the Fall. But your attitude about it is different. Your attitude is, it makes perfect sense why I'm discontent with the way things are.
I also recommend his book The Problem of Pain, which talks about man's long history of belief in the supernatural, despite the outlandishness of the idea.
C. S. Lewis was an atheist until his early 30s. He taught at Oxford and then Cambridge, during the first half of the 20th century.
I’ve convinced three people (two personal friends, one person here from hacker news comments). My friends have thanked me for telling them the truth, the hn person quit too recently to be able to tell but I’m sure he’ll be fine.
Also, if you find yourself having imposter syndrome do you think it's still worth it? Hate my job currently because I'm barely learning anything, there are no mentors, and the technology is old (EJBs). Not even sure if I want to stay a programmer.
I had the biggest impostor syndrome. I’ve realized it’s bullshit. Impostor syndrome comes from you not having done stuff for long enough. You’ll be surprised how much progress you can make after like a month of dedicated work. Email me (my email is in my profile) if you want to talk more about this.
I also had my doubts about programming as a field btw. The nature of corporate programming is that it’s very slow and unexciting.
Inherent to "loving" is the ability to balance your connection to a thing with the limits of your boundaries and trajectories. It's that old saying, "if you love something, then let it go". If you love something, you also have the understanding that it lives its own "life", that you cannot control it and that it cannot control you. So, in loving, you'll have to accept that the thing which is loved is not you but is itself. You cannot encapsulate it.
(I realize this comment might have been intended as a joke, but this sort of bitter humor is often a symptom of real cynicism.)
Or, if the memoirs of a holocaust survivor's search for meaning are too heavy, you can find watered down business book variations in Stephen Covey's Principle-Centered Leadership, or a more mystical variant in The Four Agreements if that's more your thing.
Some examples of ideas from Frankl's toolbox borrowed from existentialist thought -- one that you might find to be applicable is his idea that in the gap between any stimulus and response, no matter how terrible of a situation, every human gets the opportunity to make a choice -- and thus we can always maintain our freedom in this way. Keeping a positive attitude in the face of cynicism-inducing circumstances is one such choice. Or another tidbit he borrows from Nietzsche: He who has a why to live can bear almost any how. Maybe you're just crabby because you have not yet found your life's purposeful work, which it seems like other commentators have suggested as well.
The way I see it right now, the world is yearning for competent bullshit-free actors. With the recent existence of light-speed communication, it's only due to inertia that all the rent-seeking bullshit players haven't yet crumbled into dust. Hope you can find a way to use your past experiences to be a positive force in the future. Aaron Swartz, rest in peace, would have admonished you to fix the machine, not the person: http://www.aaronsw.com/weblog/nummi
Food and sleep + healthy eating and regular excercise. Sounds simple but most neglect one or more (or all) those aspects and wonder why they feel the way they do.
Edit: I forgot to include philosophy, it’s good to have some beliefs to ground you too. For me that is stoicism.
I always feel great after spending time in groups doing something I'm interested in, like attending a concert, mechanical keyboard meetup, or makerspace class. It feels vindicating (not sure if that's the right word) to know that there are people out there like me, and there's always people who are even deeper into a hobby than I am.
People do that all the time, and also they do it online. That's why online communities exist. People share their bullshit, thinking it's not really bullshit, and then they have positive emotions and manage to get through the day.
It's unbelievable how much of an animal humans are. And that's exactly what drives the bullshit up. We just don't realize it.
If you’re in trouble and you can’t seem to get up, reach out and get help. There are people who care.
Also, if you haven't yet, read Enchiridion, one of the original Stoic texts. It is very much about what to do about this kind of stuff.
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1. The key is to pay attention to your own thoughts. Simply notice what you're thinking about. You can't be in this mode all the time, but when you do catch yourself thinking, observe the thought you just interrupted.
2. Don't judge your own thoughts. Don't even judge your own cynicism. This non-judgmental attitude is the first step to changing anything about your behavior and your state of mind, even if that seems counter-intuitive. Almost everyone has a resistance to that which assumes authority to judge. Don't assume you are the authority of your mind. There are so many reasons why you aren't, but the biggest reason is that you have no control over your subconscious mind. "You" lives in the conscious mind, and "You" believes it has control. But your brain sends a signal to your arm to move it half a second before "You" can even think of claiming responsibility for the action. Your mind is like a fluid. Stuff rises from the depths and sinks back down again and you mostly don't control that. It's a natural process. So there's no reason to judge anyways.
3. Ask yourself lots of questions about your thoughts. "Why" is the most important question. Explore your thoughts without judgement. Try and find the answers to these questions. You're allowed to speculate and you're allowed to get it wrong. It doesn't really matter.
4. Choose the thoughts that present consciously. This is the aspect of your mind that "You" has control over. If you ask enough questions you'll eventually be able to weed out the thoughts that don't do you any good. Simply choose not to think about them anymore. Don't try to get rid of them (that only draws more focus to the thought you don't want to think, instead simply tune in to a different station. If you find a cynical thought come to mind, just think about it a bit more deeply. Even if the thought is "true", you could look at your subject from different angles and find a less cynical perspective, one that is equally true, and find something about it that gives you energy or reminds you of what makes you happy.
5. Some thoughts come from a damaged place. If you find a wound, you'll have to address it. Once again, don't judge the thought that comes from the wound. You'll need to accept it and give it proper attention if you want to heal.
6. Sometimes certain thoughts just need to be ignored. Sometimes thoughts are meaningless and toxic. Just ignore them. No need to think about it more deeply if your brain is muttering about how much of a bitch that lady at the grocery store was. It's obviously nonsense. Learn to recognize thoughts that deserve your analysis and those that don't.
Cynicism is a delicate thing and often results from fear. It can be healthy in environments that encourage thoughtlessness, but toxic in environments that require hope, faith, relaxation and creativity. The biggest thing you should keep in mind is that everything can be seen from multiple different angles. This is why it's possible for a thousand people to hold a thousand different opinions on the same issue-- stuff is multi-faceted. Sometimes, there's no objective truth. You can choose to look at anything from any angle you want and find other truths even in the same object, thus immediately changing your state of mind in that direction.
Consider being crabby a sign of good mental health.
You're cynical because your unrealistic expectations are not being met. Adjust your expectations, focus your energies elsewhere and you will be of a more positive outlook.