I’ve had to “restart” my social circle after moving to new places (SF, LA, and now Taipei) here are some tricks:
1. Get roommates. Not for everyone, but moving in with two other people even though I could afford my own place made it really easy for me to jump into tgeir friend circles quickly.
2. Meetup.com, Eventbrite and similar sites. Just pick a couple of things you’re vaguely interested in (for me it was language exchanges, salsa dancing, board games, and startup meetups) and show up every week. Even if you’re shy, you’ll naturally start chatting to people after a couple of events.
3. When you meet a couple of people, make your own events and invite them. E.g. If you meet someone at an event who likes rock climbing send them a text the next day saying “Hey, I’m going to a new rock climbing gym on Wednesday, do you want to meet me there?” Once you invite people to a few things they‘ll start inviting you too.
Does all this take effort on your part? Yes. But its worth it. And you’ll get better. I was bad at this when I was in LA, but after working on these skills I built upba friend circle in Taipei (arguably harder because of language barriers) within a couple months. Good luck and don’t give up!
Meeting people and making friends are very different. I've found many people put way too much stock in their friendships at work when they really have nothing else in common except the job. Unsurprisingly, as soon as people switch jobs, there's some tears and hugs and a 6-month check-in, but you basically never hear from them again. It's important to find an enduring reason to maintain friendship. Work can be a good place to find people you have something in common with, but if that's the limit of your commonality it's really a fleeting relationship.
I've really found what binds real friendships are the things you do outside of work. If you don't do anything outside of work, that's the first thing you need to work on.
I came here to say this, but you said it better/fuller than I could have.
I have been working fully remote for just over 7 years. One of the people I work with was a friend before I started working with him, so that relationship hasn't changed.
But I don't look to my coworkers for the socialization that comes from friends/family/church. It comes from those places specifically outside of work.
The very old school way: church/religious group. Doesn’t have to be fundamentalist/conservative - if you’re in a US metro area, I guarantee you have the more open-minded variants of all the major religions rather close to you. They’re often a good way to get plugged into long-term volunteer work, even if you aren’t particularly interested in attending worship services.
(Personal taste: Episcopal Church, after growing up Southern Baptist. Childhood friend who got a harsher dose of Southern Baptist now enjoys occasionally doing stuff with her local Unitarian-Universalist congregation, and appreciates their youth programs for her girls. Your mileage will vary.)
I had to “restart” my social circle similar to @jameshush when I moved states, and again when I moved to Cupertino. In addition to the suggestions mentioned:
-Hiking / Tennis / Racquetball partners. People are frequently looking for these partners, and sports offer an easy way to get to know someone in person, then ask if they want to hang out.
-Volunteering- I found most of my recent friends while volunteering at religious events.
> In the past, offices were a great way to meet new people.
I would suggest that your work office is not a great way to depend on meeting new people. Aim to meet new people at social settings, not business settings.
Join clubs and go to social activities to meet new people. Sports, culture, arts, etc. Spaces that have zero to do with your work or profession are key.
I'm in the Army Reserve to meet people outside work, for example.
I would agree with your first line especially - learned that very valuable reason after a few teams imploded (and a lot of my work-friends left for understandable reasons). Very easy to get lonely/depressed very quickly if enough people leave at once.
Would also second your advice to connect with people via hobbies you already have. Even if it's something like niche digital art, creative groups, volunteer services even.
If you read my comment you’ll see I didn’t say they aren’t.
The issue is that you’re creating a single point of failure, as OP was asking. If the office shuts or people leave or you need to leave or there’s some issue at work, you can have lose both your social group and your work in one go.
My neighborhood has become a lot more sociable during the Pandemic. One neighbor and her husband volunteered to help another older lady with her fence and they've been hanging out together for hours just talking and working on the fence. Something like that never happened before. I notice I'm a lot more chatty and friendly with people on the street when I'm walking my dog.
If you're in an apartment building, just say hello to people in the common areas and slowly build from there. Going on walks is good. Once you see the same people over and over you can start casual conversation and find things in common.
If you want to come over and help me with my fence, you're always welcome, haha :P
Sports clubs (not necessarily serious ones) are great if you're into that. Just make sure to actively try to build friendships outside the sports as well. I.e. ask if they want to get beers, hang out, etc. Treat it almost like dating.
Also I'd recommend shopping around when looking at sports clubs. When I first got to Stockholm, I ran regularly with 4 different clubs. After about 4 months, I was mainly hanging out with one of the clubs that was the most social. It felt like I had a full social life there within a couple weeks of moving there.
I go to a non huge church so it is pretty easy for me. Though generally, I think this is true for things beside church, I don’t really become friends with people until i eat and drink with them. This was fairly easy when I wasn’t remote because I had so many opportunities to get food at lunch or get a drink after work.
Generally now it is asking folks I meet at church if they want to come over for lunch with family, or come have drinks some evening with a bunch of the guys, and so on.
People socialize through common activities. So pick one and join other who engage in the same activity. Knitting, programming, drinking, dancing, singing...
Find a cool a project to join, or start one, and find other folks to do this together with...
Ive been taking Brazilian Jiu Jitsu classes and have been making lots of friends that way. Also it's great for mitigating the negative effects of sitting too much.
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Going to places where you can meet people. Does OP need me to post one of those links to “let me Google that for you”?
Not to be a douche.
It’s just that, meeting people, is exactly the same as the skills of well, socializing and meeting people.
At the office, the big win was that meeting people around a common goal or mission makes it easier to connect. want to meet people outside the office in this same way? Find some thing you want to do, or some goal, or mission, or thing you like, find where people do it, and show up. Meet up, eventbrite, or just freaking showing up at a place that happens is surprisingly effective.
1. Get roommates. Not for everyone, but moving in with two other people even though I could afford my own place made it really easy for me to jump into tgeir friend circles quickly.
2. Meetup.com, Eventbrite and similar sites. Just pick a couple of things you’re vaguely interested in (for me it was language exchanges, salsa dancing, board games, and startup meetups) and show up every week. Even if you’re shy, you’ll naturally start chatting to people after a couple of events.
3. When you meet a couple of people, make your own events and invite them. E.g. If you meet someone at an event who likes rock climbing send them a text the next day saying “Hey, I’m going to a new rock climbing gym on Wednesday, do you want to meet me there?” Once you invite people to a few things they‘ll start inviting you too.
Does all this take effort on your part? Yes. But its worth it. And you’ll get better. I was bad at this when I was in LA, but after working on these skills I built upba friend circle in Taipei (arguably harder because of language barriers) within a couple months. Good luck and don’t give up!
I've really found what binds real friendships are the things you do outside of work. If you don't do anything outside of work, that's the first thing you need to work on.
I have been working fully remote for just over 7 years. One of the people I work with was a friend before I started working with him, so that relationship hasn't changed.
But I don't look to my coworkers for the socialization that comes from friends/family/church. It comes from those places specifically outside of work.
(Personal taste: Episcopal Church, after growing up Southern Baptist. Childhood friend who got a harsher dose of Southern Baptist now enjoys occasionally doing stuff with her local Unitarian-Universalist congregation, and appreciates their youth programs for her girls. Your mileage will vary.)
I would suggest that your work office is not a great way to depend on meeting new people. Aim to meet new people at social settings, not business settings.
Join clubs and go to social activities to meet new people. Sports, culture, arts, etc. Spaces that have zero to do with your work or profession are key.
I'm in the Army Reserve to meet people outside work, for example.
Would also second your advice to connect with people via hobbies you already have. Even if it's something like niche digital art, creative groups, volunteer services even.
The issue is that you’re creating a single point of failure, as OP was asking. If the office shuts or people leave or you need to leave or there’s some issue at work, you can have lose both your social group and your work in one go.
If you're in an apartment building, just say hello to people in the common areas and slowly build from there. Going on walks is good. Once you see the same people over and over you can start casual conversation and find things in common.
If you want to come over and help me with my fence, you're always welcome, haha :P
Also I'd recommend shopping around when looking at sports clubs. When I first got to Stockholm, I ran regularly with 4 different clubs. After about 4 months, I was mainly hanging out with one of the clubs that was the most social. It felt like I had a full social life there within a couple weeks of moving there.
Generally now it is asking folks I meet at church if they want to come over for lunch with family, or come have drinks some evening with a bunch of the guys, and so on.
Find a cool a project to join, or start one, and find other folks to do this together with...
https://www.crewscale.com/blog/remote/creative-ways-to-stay-...
Not to be a douche.
It’s just that, meeting people, is exactly the same as the skills of well, socializing and meeting people.
At the office, the big win was that meeting people around a common goal or mission makes it easier to connect. want to meet people outside the office in this same way? Find some thing you want to do, or some goal, or mission, or thing you like, find where people do it, and show up. Meet up, eventbrite, or just freaking showing up at a place that happens is surprisingly effective.